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Advice needed

shrkntz said: "Making him feel better subtly, doing little extra things to make him happier helps. Hugs, watching a movie together, playing cards, going for a walk in the part. He needs your support in the aspect of care mentally. It is a phase and it should not last long when he gets the surgery. Sometimes men hold things in and don't express it as often or as outward as women, he is showing subtle hints of how upset he is at this change. The best thing to do is not let it get you down and try to say positive things to him about what you like about him. Showing him that you care will help push him toward not letting himself go downhill. Letting him know interesting facts or things you have read does not hurt. If anything he might like one or two things you tell him. A new haircut, swimming together, puzzles. He might want to talk about his knee, ask him how it is going, men love to fix things, they don't like it when they cannot immediately fix things. Women tend to look more at details. He might need some proffessional councelling to deal with some issues he might not want to talk about. It is worth a try. Letting him know how you feel about seeing him like this can help. Just don't pry if he does not seem interested in talking about it. Let him know you do care, that you worry about how he is doing and ask if there is anything you can do to help make life easier. Do take care of yourself during his time of depression, you cannot let yourself go downhill due to someone else's low time."

featherish said: "Offer your love and support. Don't nag. (Guys seem to really hate this :) ) Maybe you could plan a day away from your 'regular' life, and try to get him to open up a little? Sometimes getting out of the little box we call "our life" helps to awaken things inside of us, and helps to inspire us a little to do greater things for ourselves and others."

Heather said: "Things going any better, Brenda?"

Heather said: "It sounds like there is some improvement to me :) I'm sure that your kids making reinforcement statements probably helped your cause a little. If they rally behind you, he is outnumbered!"

Holly said: "Maybe instead of suggesting exercise to him, you should ask him to help you. People generally like to be helpful and will be more kind and generous to others than to themselves. Tell him that you're having a hard making yourself exercise (even though I know you're doing a great job) and ask if he could please help with your motivation. :)"

Holly said: "Yes, it sounds like things are getting better, but I can see why you're frustrated. I'm glad you're not falling into the trap of making a healthy supper for yourself and a "normal" one for you're husband - way too much work and unneccessary. That's awesome that the kids like you're healthy choices, how nice to not have an up hill battle with them on this one!!! :)"

lotusleaf said: "it sounds to me like your hubbie is feeling very helpless about his situation, and is in denial about it. If he feels like he has no control, that can lead to depression which sounds like where he is heading. 38 is very young to have some sory of mobility issue, and he is probably suffering from very low self esteem-also looking ahead to his future may be a bleak thing for him. it might be an idea to sit him down and be honest with him about the way its affecting you as you are worried and concerned for him, and plan activities together that he will do really well at, so that will make him feel better about himself. If hes in self destruct mode, its really hard to sit and watch it, and it can be too easy to start nagging, which could drive him further into this spiral. I think you should just be honest with him-get your feelings out in the open and ask him if the situation was reversed-what would he be doing for you? soemtimes-seeing it from the other side can really help. :)"

Ms.Brender said: "[SIZE=3]Hey guys! Listen, I need some advice. My husband, who use to be very athletic, is letting his body go. He had a severe knee injury a few years ago and has since had 4 surgeries. The last one was to remove his knee cap. He will ultimately need a total replacement, but they say he's too young at 38. Anyway, he feels that there isn't anything he can do to exercise and since he can't exercise, why should he eat healthy? I know this isn't logical, but he's actually said that. Anyway, any ideas how I can get him motivated? I'm going to try to get him to swim this summer, but he'll have to join the local health center and he's not one to spend money on himself (or at all). He was really depressed a few years ago, but he's really gotten better emotionally since then. He's just not taking care of himself. He's even smoking and drinking some now. :( Any ideas? [/SIZE]"

Ms.Brender said: "Thanks guys! I really appreciate all your input. I'm trying to be very patient and encouraging. I have to be careful though. My husband has a degree in counseling and he'll know it if I overdo it. That's one reason why he won't go to counseling. He 'knows' what he should be doing. He's told many other people. Anyway, I'm not giving up on him. I'll keep y'all posted!"

Ms.Brender said: "Not really. I have been buying groceries the last two weeks - he was doing that- and I've also done most of the cooking. With his injury and being at home, he has taken on a lot of the housework. My very own Mr. Mom. Anyway, he really questioned my shopping because he said I didn't buy the kids any snack foods and I had to go and show him that I had - just not the junk they had been eating. The first week, he went and spent about $50 on Coke, cookies, a pie, etc. This week he hasn't. With me cooking a lot more and making sure we're not eating out as much, I think that is helping some. I'm just trying to be encouraging and eating healthy myself. My kids, especially my ten year old daughter, need to eat better, and they don't mind healthy food. I couldn't convince my husband that they actually like whole wheat bread and skim milk. Finally they told him. I'll try to keep y'all posted incase things change for the better. Thanks for asking, Snap! :)"

Ms.Brender said: "Yes, I am blessed with three kids that really aren't that picky when it comes to eating. They will try just about anything. Of course, I've never really given them much of a choice. I don't believe in cooking 2-3 different meals to make everyone happy. My kids really like whole wheat bread, fruit, carrots, etc. It's not really hard to get them to eat healthy, especially when there isn't junk in the house."